Suddenly some....Expectations

I have been out and about for a few months now and I am constantly surprised my this particular aspect.... Expectations... what is that? On the one hand if you jump into bed on the first date they tell you they don't want a one night stand, on the other if you don't and we have a pleasant evening say good night with a kiss only, they start going on about managing expectations.

OK well, there are several things we can say here, firstly, you care so much about me that you want to make sure I'm not hurt?? ...somehow I don't think so. Secondly, they are my expectations and have F all to do with you... I can think what I like and I promise you, at this stage I'm not even thinking about a relationship I'm making friends and working out whether I like you. I'm not thinking about the luggage you've collected over the years, I certainly not thinking about trapping you but I don't think that would go down too well either. I think it's more about a get out clause. These guys are scared,  don't want to commit, worried that they might have feelings or just don't want to take responsibility. They think that cos I'm over 50 I want to tie a man down and put a ring on it.

Quite frankly guys don't flatter yourselves,  I got into bed with you because you were attractive and I wanted to, not because I'm desperate. If it was or first date it was probably because you just have the body and not the brain. 

Well surprise guys you are not the only ones who don't want to commit,  we can have fun just as much as you can and sometimes that's exactly what we want.  This is not 1970 or 1990 or for that matter 2005, now women of a certain age are gold dust and you should look out for us because a lot of us are:

• Financially independent
• We have no one at home
• We don't want anything from you
• Experienced sexually 
• Not afraid to do our ask you to do it
• We are fun and know how to have fun

We've had our kids and they are all grown up, we have good jobs, give us some credit we are not 19 anymore and really do understand the situation.

Expectations are for relationships.... we don't have one yet, I may like you we may have sex together and it may grow into a relationship but, at this point don't talk to us about Expectations.

Suddenly some...... Social Groups

I was talking to a lawyer a couple of days again and he was telling me about a new demographic that he was tracing, something he had notice in his practice. I met this guy in the course of my work and he didn't know my background when he was telling me this, although I did tell him afterwards. A group of mostly women who are educated, middle-class, and married over 25 years ago and gave up work when they had children (as was the norm). These women have not worked for 20 odd years and have looked after their family, have been used to a high living standard and now for whatever reason find themselves facing separation and divorce. They have not paid into any pensions - thinking that their husbands pension would be enough for both, their earning potential is limited and now must face the fact that they have to find a job good enough to support themselves and to build up some sort of buffer big enough to support them in retirement or rely on their children and the state. Adding to the fact that they must take a big drop in their living standards. My friend described them as the new intelligent poor.

Divorce seems to be a standard part of society and most people think that once you've been married over 20 years or even 15 you've made it and you are happily married. Maybe this come from the fact that our parents generation or older only got divorced in extreme circumstances, I remember my Mum saying to me 'I don't care how unreasonable he is, I promised to love, cherish, obey and care for him' and my Dad could be very unreasonable. I didn't understand her atitude but I certainly respected her for her determination and staying power. These days we talk about personal ambition and needs and are somehow selfish and less likely to compromise in relationships, also it's normal for women to have careers and good jobs instead of being stay at home Mums.

When my husband and I decided that I should give up a very well paid job in the city and become a full time mum, even though at that time it was becoming a rarity because living was becoming more expensive and most couples needed the second income to survive. We, luckily, had no such worries and as 20 years ago men just didn't become stay at home dads, I gave up work to look after 2 daughters. At this time, of course, we didn't even think of divorce, why should we, both our parents were 'happily', both our mothers didn't work and we assumed our live would be the same.

The World has moved on, it's no longer the 1960's, the World has also become smaller and more transparent and regardless what anyone tells me I now believe that apart from the very lucky we will not see marriages lasting 50 years anymore. We will have a husband/wife for the first part of our adult life for children, a second for growing old, life expectation has changed and is now a lot longer, the pressure of working life and the expectations we have for ourselves and the stresses of today's society are too great to sustain life-long marriages.

I have been caught in the middle of this change and have become a victim of dedication to my family and therefore a member of this new social group. Don't get me wrong, I am not bitter and I don't hate my ex-husband, in fact I hope he is happy in his new life. On my part I am sad about the end of our marriage and didn't expect to be facing this challenge at 50. I'll get there. 

Suddenly some.....reality

After a particularly depressing phone call with a solicitor in the UK it is time to reflect on life. Is it fair? Did I do too little? Or maybe too much? Was/is my dedication to my family not the right thing?
When I met my husband in 1980 I fell completely head over heels for him and may I say, vice versa as well. We were young and in love and married by the time I was 20. Everyone friends and family included said it wouldn't last, but it endured all kinds while we watched as friends got married had children and then divorced.
10, 15, 20 years passed, the world moved on our children born, the Berlin Wall came down the Gulf War, computers, mobile phones the World changed and we stayed the same. We continued living in our 1980's bubble where we believed marriage was forever and because of that and a good job i could stay at home and be a mum. Oh, silly me!
What we didn't notice was the extra pressures this modern world bought with it. We didn't notice the changes we were both going through. We forgot to look after each other too busy making things work and maybe sticking with it and being a little to proud about the length we had been together.
Don't get me wrong I still love him and there is no one else, but live together not any more the distance is too far and the crimes too big to be forgotten.

Suddenly some....?

This is an attempt to do something useful and to cure depression, which I know must be near. How? I hear you ask, I burst into tears while on the phone to my mother-in-law. And as the radio has just told me: today is Valentine's Day and I am sitting in bed hiding from the World, pulling a so called sicky.

I know that I will not receive flowers today, I will not receive a card, I will not even get a peck on the cheek after almost exactly 30 years of marriage I know this without a doubt! The only person that ever sent me flowers was my mother, who has been gone for some 5 years now, the same year my husband went to Thailand. 

Husband, ah yes, he left 6 months ago for a job the other side of the world, saying he loved me more than everything and didn't know what he would do without me. That lasted a long time - all of 2 months. Now I find myself bringing up 2 teenagers, one just started college the other a year away from university entrance exams, of course they are the reason I didn't go and live in the tropics. It would not be fair to either desert them in Europe or drag them to a foreign country so I stayed.

What?

Now, I've explained my situation, I have to decide what I'm going to use this blog for. The idea behind the blog name is that you can add anything to the phase "suddenly some" 'suddenly some flowers'...hahahaha, as it's Valentines Day 'suddenly some-one loves you' that would be nice but, not today. 

So that's what is going to be, every time I post I'll add a phase that's been bugging me and ramble.