Suddenly some....Expectations

I have been out and about for a few months now and I am constantly surprised my this particular aspect.... Expectations... what is that? On the one hand if you jump into bed on the first date they tell you they don't want a one night stand, on the other if you don't and we have a pleasant evening say good night with a kiss only, they start going on about managing expectations.

OK well, there are several things we can say here, firstly, you care so much about me that you want to make sure I'm not hurt?? ...somehow I don't think so. Secondly, they are my expectations and have F all to do with you... I can think what I like and I promise you, at this stage I'm not even thinking about a relationship I'm making friends and working out whether I like you. I'm not thinking about the luggage you've collected over the years, I certainly not thinking about trapping you but I don't think that would go down too well either. I think it's more about a get out clause. These guys are scared,  don't want to commit, worried that they might have feelings or just don't want to take responsibility. They think that cos I'm over 50 I want to tie a man down and put a ring on it.

Quite frankly guys don't flatter yourselves,  I got into bed with you because you were attractive and I wanted to, not because I'm desperate. If it was or first date it was probably because you just have the body and not the brain. 

Well surprise guys you are not the only ones who don't want to commit,  we can have fun just as much as you can and sometimes that's exactly what we want.  This is not 1970 or 1990 or for that matter 2005, now women of a certain age are gold dust and you should look out for us because a lot of us are:

• Financially independent
• We have no one at home
• We don't want anything from you
• Experienced sexually 
• Not afraid to do our ask you to do it
• We are fun and know how to have fun

We've had our kids and they are all grown up, we have good jobs, give us some credit we are not 19 anymore and really do understand the situation.

Expectations are for relationships.... we don't have one yet, I may like you we may have sex together and it may grow into a relationship but, at this point don't talk to us about Expectations.

Suddenly some.....New life at 50ish

Hmmm ... what to say to the World? It's been a while, life has changed, sorry, lots has happened, let's have a chat.

I last posted over a year ago, life was a little harrowing at that point and a backslide sent me into myself, issues have been dealt with and I have come out the other side feeling almost like the 19 year old me again ... and she was fun :)

Major personal crisis have been dealt with - not going to go into that. Both children have moved out! Oh glory!... never tell them how much I don't miss them. No more pandering to everyone else's needs, just me! Does that sound selfish? ... well, tough if you think it is. If you're over 50 and just out of and long relationship you'll understand, if not you'll learn. Family is still important but, after 30 years I am allowed to luxuriate in my own needs for once.

Don't judge me I was married to a psycho for over 30 years, handsome, charming, fit, high earner but ultimately a psycho - I will not waste time writing about him but I will mention him only where necessary.

Now I've decided it's time to get out there again and this is a major change in my emotions. It has taken a long time to process, don't wonder why people are happy single, chances are they just are, on the other hand they may be scared to get out there, they may not know how, confidence in yourself your body and your own attractiveness all need to be regrown. I was going say it was an easy decision to make, I suffered from all of the above and still do from some of them.

 Do you know how much the dating world has changed in the last 35 years? When you are 18, you go to a disco or a bar and hook up, you go out with someone from school, you are involved in all kinds of activities. Not forgetting when you are 18 that more than anything else you are young and attractive and most people you meet are SINGLE. When you are over 50, or even in you 40s that is not the case,  on of the first things you have to learn is how to tell them apart, the easy things like wedding rings,  but maybe they are still wearing it out of habit, at work do they have a picture on their desk?  And again maybe it was her that was the bitch and he still pines after her,  does he have to pick the kids up on Friday to look after them or is it just his turn. ... a minefield.  Body language another source new for learning or relearning the basic skills. 

I'd love to share with you my experiences getting back out there over the coming months. The men I met the things I do, how it makes me feel,  what I learn

Suddenly Some... Poetry

Inner Peace

I love poetry, it makes me feel inside, I can feel all the things which usually you can't show and they feel so real. This love moved up on me slowly and took me by surprise, in fact I hated them when I was younger thinking them a waste of time. Maybe I've grown up, I enjoy them more than music, they reach deeper. I must admit I go for deep emotional poems whether happy or sad.

Reading a poem can change your day calming you or giving you inspiration to continue, helping you through the difficult times or infusing you with joy. 

Reading poetry is not the preserve of the intellectual or well educated it's not elitist and one thing it will never do is become part of the commercialized, fast moving online social networks, never a meme. The reason is they are intensely private, everyone sees something different in the words written on a page. You can plug poetry or poem into a search engine to find a poem, I usually find that the poems on the internet whether by famous or completely unknown author are polluted by with pictures giving you the sense of what the person who posted it thought about it. If I want to find a poem the only place to go is the library, or a book shop, words on a plain background.

OK, I've just read through that and it sound a little pretentious! So I'm just going to give you a couple of favourites:

My all time favourite poem and inspirational, I can read it quietly but find that I love reading it out loud gives it extra power:

If - Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son! 

But somehow not this version and I'm not even going to mention what UK television did to it during the football.

I also speak German and of course the same applies to any other language in the world, however German has the reputation of being a hard language not only to learn but also emotionally. In defense I give you Xavier Naidoo, the singer and front man of Söhne Mannheim.

Not only is the music haunting but, the lyrics are beautiful, deep and tragic. A declaration of love and caring and protection in a hopeless situation. Whatever my emotional state - and it has been a roller caster recently I do and also will regard this as my favourite song and one of the best poems of our time.

Suddenly Some..... Diaries

Writing a mood journal

Ever thought about writing a Diary? I have never been able to do it for more than a couple of days. Don't you admire people like Churchill, William Pepys and Anne Frank not to mention this people who manage to update their blogs everyday. I love the idea but am never able somehow to find the time. Well times are changing and I decided I really must make an effort to record what's happening, especially the emotion side of my life. Reading went to work is so dreary five days a week, inner feelings and reactions are more interesting, maybe that was my mistake I was trying to write the wrong kind of diary.

As a part of my personal journey I decided to keep  a well being journal…. and as passed experience has shown me I am rubbish at keeping one I decided to use a phone app. and see how that works.

The first App. I tried was imoodjournal, a very simple idea you select how you feel and record your feelings using #hash tags and take a photo of yourself.It then maps you're hash tags and sorts them relating to whether they are positive or negative and I must say I'm still using it, I'm not sure whether I can see the benefit of the photos which are flipped so they are reversed, maybe I have to use it longer so I can see the difference. Sorting hash tags is definitely working I can see what makes me feel good and more importantly what makes me feel bad and am already working on changing those parts of my life. I will certainly continue using imoodjournal. 

The other App was rubbish I won't even bother naming it as I'm sure for some people it's great, it was too time consuming and complicated and that wasn't the aim of the exercise and I have already deleted it from my phone.